


The Magic of Internet Friendship

by mouthword



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Awkward Flirting, Dialogue Heavy, M/M, Masturbation, Sex Toys, Vibrators, Webcam/Video Chat Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2021-01-08 04:01:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21229469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mouthword/pseuds/mouthword
Summary: It's hard, growing up and not knowing how to get off. It's hard and nobody understands. Thankfully, Karkat and Sollux are disgustingly codependent and Sollux has nothing better to do.





	The Magic of Internet Friendship

Karkat rest his chin lazily against his knuckles, leaning most of the weight of his head on his arm, which was slowly going numb due to how long it had been since he'd moved. He stared blankly at his husktop screen as he mindlessly scrolled through the handful of random pages he had bookmarked, not actually, truly consuming the information that was on any of them. It was the end of the night, and his pan had shut down, any pancells he had to spare for the evening having been wasted on assorted opinionated forum posts or futile attempts at writing a code that actually did something. It was the time of night when all there was left to do was to mindlessly stare at his screen until sunrise indicated him to the fact that he should probably sleep for a solid two hours before insomnia kicked his ass back to the land of the living for another evening of mindless bullshit.

Karkat mindlessly gazed at the home page of one of the movie forum sites he frequented, not even reading anything on the page, just staring at it and busying himself by scrolling up and down. His gaze shifted to one of the sidebar ads, wrinkling his nose when he realized it was a relatively graphic bulge size enhancement ad. With how much time Karkat spent on the internet, he'd learned to tune out these kinds of ads without thinking twice. The internet was full of graphic, raunchy bullshit, and Karkat learned pretty early on to tune it out. Still, sometimes you get a face full of bulge and question your life choices for a moment. Karkat blankly stared at the sidebar ad as a gif of a bulge increasing in size looped, over and over again. Karkat wondered if this was a sign that it was probably time he went to sleep when-

TA: hey 

TA: up twii2tiing your nub2 two some deepfake2 of troll adam 2andler?

Oh. Right. He wasn't the only one who burned the mid-dawn oil until he gave himself third degree insomnia burns.

CG: FIRST OFF, KINDLY EAT ASS IF YOU THINK I'D ACTUALLY SCOUR THE INTERNET FOR THAT KIND OF SHIT. THAT'S JUST WEIRD. I SEE TROLL ADAM SANDLER AS MORE OF A FRIEND.

CG: A FRIEND THAT I'VE NEVER SPOKEN TO, BUT Y'KNOW, HE HAS ONE OF THOSE PERSONALITIES WHERE SEEING HIM NAKED WOULD JUST BE WEIRD AT THIS POINT. I'VE ADMIRED HIM FOR TOO LONG TO ACTUALLY *WANT* TO SEE HIM NAKED...FABRICATED OR NOT.

TA: wow

TA: you had that defense prepared way two fa2t for 2omeone who ha2n't dabbled iinto 2andler deepfake terriitory

CG: WHAT DO YOU WANT, SOLLUX?

TA: dude, thii2 ii2 ba2iically a riitual at thiis poiint

TA: youre up late

TA: iim up late

TA: iim bored

TA: youre iin that weiird liitlle place you get iinto where your already thiin layer of 2elf cen2or2hiip ii2 ba2iically fuckiing gone for the niight

TA: we both 2ay 2ome 2hiit two go iinto our re2pectiive criinge compiilatiion2, further affiirmiing our friiend2hiip by haviing two many 2ecret2 between u2 two ever break up wiithout que2tiioniing how codependent we are 

TA: you end up goiing liike, way iinto the theoretiic2 of an open vaciillatiing relatiion2hiip...

CG: YES, SOLLUX, I GET THE CONCEPT.

CG: THANK YOU, BY THE WAY, FOR THAT WORD PICTURE. I'M GOING TO HANG IT RIGHT ON UP ON THE WORD REFRIDGELLATOR TO SHOW MY APPRECIATION! I MIGHT EVEN GIVE YOU A FUCKING WORD COOKIE BECAUSE OF HOW GOD DAMN PROUD OF YOU I AM!

TA: uhh, ii2 thii2 suppo2ed two be an iin2ult? 

CG: YES SOLLUX! I'M BEING ENTIRELY FACETIOUS! YOUR WORD PICTURE IS GOING INTO THE FUCKING TRASH BECAUSE IT SUCKS AND YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD! 

TA: ii cant tell iif you genuiinely dont want to have a late niight feel2 jam or iif youre ju2t throwiing a 2hiitfiit for fun 

CG: OF COURSE I WANT TO HAVE A LATE NIGHT FEELS JAM, I JUST DON'T APPRECIATE YOU BUSTING DOWN THE TOTALLY NON-QUADRANTAL COMPLETELY HEALTHY AND NOT DISGUSTINGLY CODEPENDENT FRIENDSHIP FACADE WE'VE GOT GOING HERE. RESPECT THE FACADE, SOLLUX. THE FACADE IS WHAT KEEPS THE NIGHTLY FEELS JAM IN APPROPRIATELY FEELS-JAMMY TERRITORY WITHOUT TOSSING THE SPROING-COIL OF OUR FRIENDSHIP DOWN THE FUCKING STAIRS UNTIL WE HIT A WALL WHERE SOMEONE ASKS "WHAT WE ARE", AND WE END UP GIVING DIFFERENT ANSWERS, MAKING THINGS SO AWKWARD THAT WE NEVER SPEAK AGAIN

CG: I DON'T THINK I COULD HANDLE ACTUALLY GETTING TO SLEEP AT A DECENT TIME WITHOUT WASTING THE LAST OF MY PANCELLS FOR THE NIGHT ON TRYING TO COME UP WITH BITING INSULTS FOR YOU. RESPECT THE FACADE, DUDE.

TA: well, twii2tiing your nub2 two troll adam 2andler deepfake2 ii2 probably a 2oliid way two knock your2elf out 

CG: OH, GOOD, COOL, AWESOME. WE WRAPPED BACK AROUND TO THE NUBS THING. MAYBE WE WON'T HAVE TO ACTUALLY WIPE THESE LOGS IF YOU'RE JUST SELECTING TO IGNORE A GOOD 90% OF WHAT I'M SAYING.

CG: DO PEOPLE EVEN LIKE, ACTUALLY GET OFF ON THAT, OR IS THAT JUST SOMETHING YOU SAY TO FUCK WITH ME?

TA: what, horn fondliing or deepfake2?

CG: THE HORN FONDLING THING, I DON'T THINK I COULD HANDLE THE ANSWER TO THE DEEPFAKES THING

TA: ii mean, ii thiink iit2 kiind of an aquiired ta2te thiing for both

TA: kiinda liike how 2ome people are iinto gettiing theiir grub2car2 fondled or whatever

CG: I HONESTLY DON'T GET THAT EITHER. LIKE, IN MOVIES FOR IMPLIED PAILING SCENES THEY ALWAYS GO FOR THE HORNS OR THE GRUBSCARS OR WHATEVER SINCE THEY CAN'T JUST GO STRAIGHT FOR THE BULGE, BUT THAT ALWAYS SEEMS SO AWKWARD AND FORCED, WHO EVEN ENJOYS THAT SHIT?

TA: people who actually have quadmate2, probably. ii dont thiink iit2 2omethiing you can actually get off two on your own 

TA: btw, iim 2o glad thii2 ii2 the conver2atiion topiic we deciided to land on, after your whole rant about how thii2 totally ii2nt a quadmate thiing

CG: THIS ISN'T A QUADMATE THING, I'M JUST ACTING UNDER THE ASSUMPTION THAT YOU WATCH MORE PORN THAN ME AND HAVE A MORE CRITICAL EYE FOR THIS SHIT

CG: THIS IS OVERSHARE HOURS, RIGHT? YOU'RE PROBABLY THE ONLY PERSON I CAN ACTUALLY ASK THIS KINDA SHIT WITHOUT FEELING LIKE I'M OVERSTEPPING ANY BOUNDS

CG: WHAT, DO YOU FONDLE YOUR NUBS OR WHATEVER?

TA: dude, iit wa2 ju2t a joke  


CG: I DON’T GET THE JOKE, THAT’S THE PROBLEM HERE. I DON'T GO OUT OF MY WAY TO HUNT THIS SHIT DOWN. MY PRESSING CURIOSITY, VIS A VIS NUB FONDLING, HAS NEVER LEAD ME TO ACTUALLY TROOGLE THAT SHIT, ESPECIALLY WITH HOW OFTEN MY HUSKTOP ENDS UP IN YOUR GRIMEY, FLAVOR TRIANGLE CRUSTED HANDS. I DON’T WANT YOU OF ALL PEOPLE TO SEE WHAT I REALLY DO ONLINE 

TA: jeez, remiind me two teach you how two delete your brow2er hii2tory after thii2 exchange ii2 over

TA: youre really iin the dark about thii2 2hiit huh? almo2t make2 me feel bad for accu2iing you of beiing a nub fondler when you genuiinely have no clue what iim talkiing about  


CG: I DIDN'T SAY I HAD NO CLUE WHAT NUB FONDLING IS, ALL I SAID WAS THAT I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE WERE INTO THAT SORT OF THING

CG: NOT THAT I'VE EVEN BOTHERED TO TRY FOR THAT MATTER, IT JUST LOOKS AWKWARD AND UNPLEASANT. I BARELY LIKE MY BODY ENOUGH TO REMEMBER TO PERFORM THE BASIC NECESSITIES INVOLVED WITH KEEPING IT ALIVE, WHY WOULD I BOTHER TO ATTEMPT TO "LEARN TO LOVE IT" OR WHATEVER THE FUCK

TA: wow, thii2 ii2 depre22ing 

TA: you know there2 more way2 to get off than actually touchiing your2elf, nub2 or no nub2, right?  


CG: NOT ALL OF US HAVE PSIONICS, SOLLUX. SOME OF US NEED TO DO SHIT THE HARD WAY

CG: AGAIN, NOT LIKE I'VE TRIED, BUT IF I DID I'D KNOW THAT IT'S SERIOUSLY UNPLEASANT AND THERE'S NO WAY ANYONE ACTUALLY LIKES FONDLING THEIR OWN BULGE WITH THEIR GROSS, STUPID HANDS. 

TA: iim not talkiing about psiioniiic2...look. ii can tell youre pent up and pii22ed off 2o iim gonna priimal 2omethiing your way two help you deal wiith your weiird nub crii2ii2

TA: dont thank me. 2eriiou2ly. dont make thii2 any weiirder than iit already ii2.

\---

Karkat waited by the door to his hive in an oversided Thresh Prince tee shirt and pajama pants, holding a sickle behind his back as he peered out the door, waiting for the package Sollux claimed was coming his way before sunrise. This whole ordeal felt stupid and Karkat was expecting this to be some kind of prank, like a Troll Adam Sandler blow-up doll to really pour salt on the wound that Sollux of all people probably had more experience in the field of pornography than Karkat did. Was that something to be ashamed of? Karkat felt it was. Karkat was always jealous of the things Sollux was better at than him, even if those things weren't conventionally "good" things. Still, Karkat felt obligated to humor Sollux, if only because he didn't know how to tell Sollux that receiving late night packages probably wasn't a wise idea on account of being a mutant and all. Normal, non-mutant trolls probably received mysterious late night packages from their best friends all the time, Karkat assumed, considering Sollux had offered to send him things fairly often. He nearly dozed off where he stood, leaning against his doorway with his eyes slowly fluttering closed, only to be woken up by the sound of a whirring drone overhead. Thankfully, the Primal drones were essentially harmless, and only existed to transport packages. Karkat chucked his sickle at it, taking out one of its blades and causing it to crash to the ground, package and all. This was probably unnecessary, but Karkat didn't want to take any chances if the drone had any trackers or the ability to detect his body temperature. Karkat shuffled out to grab the package from the crashed drone, before rushing back inside.  
  
Karkat made his way back upstairs to his respiteblock, plopping down on a nest of sweaters he'd made in the corner of his room and setting the box beside him, opening up his husktop and initiating a video call with Sollux before he began to pick at the box.

Sollux picked up within a few rings, and soon Karkat could see him on the husktop screen, seeming to be sitting at his desk with only the light of his desktop monitor lighting his room. A handful of energy drink cans were visible on his desk, and the room in general was a mess, but what drew the most attention was the dubious look on Sollux's face. He just squinted at Karkat over his glasses as Karkat picked at the tape on the box. "Is this seriously what we're doing?" Were the first words out of his mouth, in a low, incredulous tone.  
  
"What? I wanted to have a witness if you ended up sending me a fucking bomb or something. Maybe recite my spoken will, leaving all of the shit I own to you, to really sink in the guilt when this package blows up and I'm nothing but a disgusting pile of Karkat flavored goop splattered against the wall." Karkat shrugged, before bringing the box up to his mouth to tear at the tape with his teeth.  
  
"It's not a bomb, dipshit. If I was planning on killing you, I'd strangle you with my bare hands. _Much_ more cathartic that way." Sollux snorted, grabbing an open energy drink can from his desk and giving it a little shake to see if there was anything left in it, before chucking it over his shoulder and grabbing for another one to sip the remaining contents from it.  
  
"Aww, that's how I'd kill you too!" Karkat gave a sarcastic coo and an amused snort, finally tearing the box open to reveal another box inside. Along the side of the box was an image of a device Karkat couldn't identify, with the words "MAGIC WAND" plastered across the side of the box in Alternian. "The fuck is this? Are you flinging spades with Ampora right now and ended up getting the two of us mixed up? I'm hurt, Sollux."  
  
"No, gross." Sollux sneered at the notion, giving a motion with his head that implied he was rolling his eyes. "It's for getting yourself off without actually having to touch yourself. Do I seriously have to walk you through this?" Sollux scoffed.  
  
"Please don't, if I can't get off with my own dumb feelnubs I'm pretty sure my bulge is going to sheathe so far it burrows into my fucking pan if yours get involved." Karkat huffed, unboxing the toy and squinting at it. "What am I even supposed to do with it? This thing looks way too big to be shoved anywhere."  
  
"It's not _for _shoving, genius." Sollux gave an amused snort, moving some trash off his desk to give him room to rest his arms on the desk, using one to lazily support his head. "You want help or not?"  
  
Karkat continued to look over the toy, before glancing back to Sollux. "Fine. It's fucking honesty hour or someshit. This seems like the appropriate escalation of this conversation. Educate me."  
  
"Cool, guess we're actually doing this." Sollux idly scratched the side of his jaw, averting his eyes. "Are you actually wearing anything under that? I think for both of our sake this should be more of an "underwear on" sort of sexual encounter."  
  
"Yeah, yeah." Karkat muttered, sitting up on his knees to awkwardly shed his pajama pants, revealing the plain black boxer briefs he was wearing underneath. "Is this how you talk to the cam trolls you probably hire? You could stand to be a little more polite."  
  
"Eat shit." Sollux scoffed. "Alright stay...kinda like that, up on your knees or whatever. Hold it with the big end of the wand riiiight under your sheath." Sollux muttered, giving a vague gesture with his free hand.  
  
Karkat gave a silent nod, positioning himself as he was instructed. Already, the scenario was weirdly a turn on. He didn't know if it was being on cam, the toy, or...well, obviously it wasn't Sollux. Feeling the toy resting against his sheath and waiting on Sollux to tell him what to do filled him with a sense of anticipation that caused his nook to tense. "Okay, now what?" Karkat glanced back to Sollux, who seemed to be looking everywhere but directly at him, if his body language was any indication as to where his gaze really was.  
  
"There should be a slider or someshit, right? Just...turn it on low. Do I seriously have to walk you through everything? You're a big troll now, KK." Sollux scoffed, seeming to be increasingly more irritable over the situation. Whether that irritability was genuine or if he was deflecting, Karkat wouldn't know, because the two seemed to overlap fairly often.  
  
"Alright, sheesh. Y'know, I'm not going to give you my premium StabChat if you don-" Karkat took a stiff breath as he finally turned the toy on, cutting himself off as the round end of the want gently pulsed against his sheath. Karkat hadn't experimented beyond using his hands before, so the feeling of the toy vibrating against him was completely foreign. Karkat hadn't actually ever managed to get himself off in general, in part due to his own self loathing and hate for his own body. Not having to look at or touch himself made things so much easier. Karkat closed his eyes and followed his instincts, shifting his wrists and rolling his hips to rut against the toy, drawing it up and down his nook.  
  
"Figured you'd get the hang of it." Sollux muttered, his posture shrunk as he brought his hand to cover his face out of some semblance of shame or embarrassment, unable to maintain a completely apathetic facade as Karkat was now quite blatantly masturbating in front of him. "Do you actually want me to be involved with this..." Sollux gave another vague gesture. "Or should I fuck off now?"  
  
"Mffh...please...wait...what?" Karkat barely grasped what Sollux had said before turning the toy off, lightly panting and fighting the urge to turn the toy back on and finish himself off. "Do you..._want to_...?"  
  
"I mean, do you _want_ me to?" Sollux quirked a brow, avoiding the question, despite the fact that he was the one who posed it.  
  
"...It's not weird if we don't make it weird, right?" Karkat shrugged.

"Yeah. Not weird if we don't make it weird." Sollux nodded.

"Good. I'm glad we're in agreement as to how totally not weird this is." Karkat nodded as well, before looking Sollux over. "So...totally not weird question, by the way..."  
  
"Are there actually two or is it just a weirdly invasive running joke in our friend group?" Sollux cut him off with an amused huff and a hint of a smirk.

"Yes, thank you! This is a crisis that's eating me alive, Sollux. That's one of lifes mysteries that I don't want to end up culled by a Primal done without knowing." Karkat sighed out of relief, happy that this totally wasn't weird and that Sollux was totally on board.  
  
"Primal drones don't kill people, KK." Sollux scoffed, reaching to tip his webcam down before rolling his chair back. "Well, unless you're a Primal factory worker and you try to take a bathroom break." He added as he worked to awkwardly hitch his pants down.  
  
"Sollux, can I just say, the treatment of Primal factory workers is perhaps the least sexy thing we could be talking about here." Karkat replied with an amused snicker.  
  
"What? The joke was right there." Sollux snorted, hitching his pants and underwear past his thighs to reveal his two, partially unsheathed bulges. "There. If you screenshot this shit I'm genuinely going to Primal you a bomb next time." He muttered with a scoff.  
  
"Fuck..." Karkat went wide-eyed, gawking at Sollux' bulges, plural. "...Nice."  
  
""Nice"?" Sollux snickered. "Seriously?"  
  
"What am I supposed to say? "Well fuck, Sollux, you sure do have two bulges there. That's pretty nifty if you ask me."" Karkat couldn't keep himself from chuckling as he replied, a lazy smile on his face.  
  
"I dunno. Just wasn't expecting "nice" is all." Sollux shrugged, dropping his hand to lazily let his bulges twine around it.

"They're nice, take the fucking compliment." Karkat rolled his eyes, before repositioning the wand and turning it back on, giving a soft sigh as he closed his eyes and returned to gently rutting against it. As he got back into the rythem of what he was doing, his eyes only flickered open every so often, catching quick glances of Sollux's now fully unsheathed bulges. Maybe Sollux did play into how turned on he was, just a little...though he wouldn't admit it.

Karkat definitely "got the hang of it" easily, working on full instinct with the sole goal of getting himself off. Without thinking twice he quickly shoved his underwear down to press the head of the toy against his bare sheath, letting out a long moan as the vibrations hit his bare skin. He could feel how wet his nook was as he rolled the toy up and down it, his unsheathed bulge no longer restrained by his underwear. His moans hit a shameless volume as he rut against the toy, turning it up more and more as he felt his pleasure building. His mind went blank. He wasn't thinking about how much he hated his body, or how much he hated Sollux, he was just thinking about chasing the high he was building up to. Holding the toy right up to his sheath, he turned it up as high as it would go as he let out one final scream of a moan, shamelessly humping the toy as he rode out his orgasm. His pan hazed over and his vision went spotty as he panted to regain his breath. His thighs shook as he turned off the toy, finally opening his eyes as he tossed the toy aside.

"Fucking...fuck...Sollux that's...I know you said not to...fucking...thank you...but..." Karkat let out a breathless chuckle as he reached a hand to push back his sweat slicked hair, eyes still shut. He didn't hear any form of response from Sollux. "What? Fucking...speechless? No comment about how I sound like a feral striped ravagebeast?" Karkat slowly blinked his eyes open, looking to his monitor, and catching a quick glimpse of Sollux's genetic material coated lap before Sollux adjusted his webcam to look at his face. Sollux seemed shocked...which was odd, considering very little fazed him. Karkat blinked, genuinely wondering if he'd somehow done it wrong. He looked at Sollux, then looked down at himself. He looked down at the red genetic material that stained his sweaters, the red genetic material on the toy, the red genetic material on his thighs, and his red bulge, slowly slipping back into its sheath.  
  
Karkat just blinked, his post-orgasm high quickly being consumed by anxiety. "...Talk about this tomorrow?" He squeaked.  
  
"...Yeah. We'll talk about it tomorrow." Sollux muttered, giving a nod.

"...Are we still friends?" Karkat added, awkwardly fidgeting with his hands.

"...Yeah. We're still friends." Sollux snorted.


End file.
